Kurze, englische Witze - Short English Jokes

Short English Jokes!

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important.

Britain has invented a new missile. It's called the civil servant. It doesn't work and it can't be fired.

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master: No Madam, I am afraid it's too heavy.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage, we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesday, I go Friday.

Teacher: Little Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?
Little Johnny answered: Drin-king, smo-king and fuc-king.

They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

Two old men, Dick and Norton were sitting next to each other on the London subway. Their hearing isn't good.
Dick mutters: "Is this Wembley?"
"No", says Norton, "'it's Thursday."
Dick answers: "OK then, let's find a pub and have a drink."

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.

Why do you take baths in milk?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

Why wasn't Jesus born in England?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.